Some time ago I very slowly and cautiously started to hope, and for the record, it was just very faint glimmering hope, that the latest James Bond outing will not make me to keel over. Note: no hope for excitement or fun as with so many of the Connery, Moore or Dalton movies just sober expectation of mediocrity. But the latest reports start to point in a very different direction. Or rather the same one as those two previous ‘movies’, products, pieces of farce – whatever you prefer to call it. First I’ve heard bits of the new Adele’s ‘Skyfall’ song. Oh, Adele, that Queen of British working classes of the 21st century – how an appropriate match she has become to that Russian-porn –star acting of Daniel Craig. Or rather, how inappropriate Bond has become for his own name. Flat, uninteresting song nobody will remember. But then, working classes are much more interested in mundane sugary drivel with rising and falling voice range. So they can sweeten their ears as they are used to do with everything else. No adventure, no thirst for discovering something new, predicable, simple and easy for chillaxing and relaxing. Unlike Madonna’s one for ‘Die another Day’, by the way, but of course, nobody liked that. Fresh and innovative but well suited for the Bond franchise heading into the 21str century. And along came Daniel Craig, and it was all over.
Because, as almost everything else, James Bond of the 21st century is the Bond of working classes. Never mind that strange useless breed of film critics call Craig’s take rough and natural. Not so, more a brute than a badass, not classless but without class, not without morals but missing manners as well.
And those working classes, who by the way, had it too good since the war, spend loads of money, (Bank of England QE printed) not only on the movies tickets, Adele downloads and PS 3,4,5 games but on all those horrific product placements. Here we come to my second point. Mr Bond, James Bond will drink …. Heineken ….. in Skyfall . That slightly sweet watery piss, sorry brew. Why would Bond drink that? Because Heineken gave the producers ‘a ton of money,’ or so Mr Craig says.
No further comment needed.
P.S. I guess I’ll wait for pay-per-view release for that one and watch it on any given Monday. Just not to spoil my weekend.